When You're Big...

I'll miss the way your head smells like powder and milk.

I'll miss the way you slowly wake up from a nap - rubbing your eyes, snuggling in, and usually falling asleep for another ten minutes.

I'll miss the way you kick and splash in the bath, soaking me, the floor, the tub, the door, the hallway...

I'll miss the way you fold in your entire body in on what you want to chew on, Venus-fly-trap-style.

I'll miss the way you wake up at night for nothing else other than to be with me.

I'll miss the way you suck in air to make your high pitched happy squeal.

I'll miss the way you blabber on walks, like you're naming every plant and animal you see.

I'll miss the way you laugh out loud when your daddy messes with you.

I'll miss the way your chubby belly hangs over your diaper, and your chunky thighs stick out like little stumps.

I'll miss the way you squeak, smile, and cry, all while completely fast asleep.

I'll miss the way you go from the most serious look into a sudden huge, gummy smile.

I'll miss the way you grunt and pant while 'working out' during tummy time.

I'll miss the way you talk to yourself in the mirror while you sit in your Bumbo as I get ready in the morning.

I'll miss the way your whole face lights up when I walk in the room.

I'll miss the way you need me.

But maybe, just a little bit, you still will.

Because, even when you're big, I'll always need you.

5 months

5 months?! That can't be right. There's no way that this:

Has become this:

Read on while I wallow in my denial...

Weight: 15.5 lbs

Clothing: 6 month size

Likes:
Walks. Seriously, I could set this child's crib and toys outside and he'd probably live there. The boy likes his outside time.

The words "Okaly Dokaly" and "Nasty". Don't know why, can't explain it, but he laughs every time we say it.

Pop Pop. They spend the day together every weekday, taking walks, hanging on the "Tumbling Mat" (aka - the activity mat), laughing at the dog, reading books, and drinking bottles. Lots and lots of bottles.

Chewing. Chewing on hands, finger, toes, toys...we're not picky.

Board books. Specifically books with pictures of other babies or faces. Next up: War & Peace.

Baths. We've graduated to the Big Boy Bathtub, and now take baths in our 2" of warm water where we can kick, splash, and pee to our heart's delight.

Empty plastic cups. Chewable. Droppable. Makes interesting hollow sounds when screeched into. What's NOT to love?!

Nana. She loves on us, tells us how adorable we are, buys us super cute clothes, and lets us do anything and everything we want to do. Everyone needs a Nana.

Dislikes:
Not much. Tired or hungry gets some whines, but that's about it. We got a mellow boy, I dare say...

Kitty

I had to put my cat, Kitty down on Wednesday. He was old (18) and had to wear a cone because he itched and scratched at his fur obsessively. I've had Kitty since I was 18 myself and living in Greeley - he's been with me through college, three moves, a new dog, a marriage, and of course a baby. He was more dog than cat, and was an attention (and food) whore like I've never seen before. He lived a good, long life, and there are plenty of funny stories I have to remember. I know that it was the right thing to do to put him down.

But my heart is beyond broken.

What It Is

It's life changing moments...

And changing the lives of those around you...

It's exhaustion...

And sleep-deprivation...

It's walks as a family of three...

And mornings filled with baby screams and smiles...

It's moments that you never realized you've waited your whole life to see...

And moments that you always know you were meant to have...

It's laughter...

And occasionally some tears...

But most of all it's love.

It's being a mother.

Happy Mother's Day.

2012

Co-Parents

Nick just left with River to 'run errands' together. I love that I have a hubby who not only takes an active role in caring for our little man, but enjoys being a dad so much that he takes River along with him just to go out and about. Nick is an amazing dad, and him and River are building an incredible relationship...

I think being a dad of an infant is tough for men - all a newborn wants is to be fed (mom), rocked (mom), fed (mom), to sleep on someone (mom), and fed (mom). It doesn't leave a ton of room for roles for new daddy's to play, and I think Nick felt very useless at times as River only wanted me (and my boobies) for the first few months. Ever since River hit 3 months old, though, Nick has become a definite preferred person for Riv. He always knows how to make him giggle (even if that means tossing him in the air while mommy has a silent heart attack mentally imagining horrid images of her sweet baby being dropped on hardwood floors). Nick changes a mean diaper (and has taken the occasional boy-baby-pee-soaking with good humor), and has become much more adept at all those little snaps and buttons on baby clothes that look somewhat ridiculous and out-of-place being fumbled around in man-hands. I even find it endearing that Nick is semi-terrified to give River a bath (what with the burning/drowning risks and all), but sits on a chair in the bathroom watching me bathe the baby so he can still be a part of it. While I still have Riv in his co-sleeper on my side of the bed, Nick gets up without complaint every single time I need a bottle made, and stumbles downstairs in his boxers to mix up a few ounces to tide the boy over till morning.

People forget to mention that co-parenting takes work. Not just the work they warn you about with the baby, but work to find a balance in this new relationship as fellow parents of a tiny lump of human. Nick and I have had our moments of snapping at each other when the baby is screaming, the laundry needs to be done, and the dog has pulled every single frickin' one of her toys into the middle of the living room. But, in the end, we make it work, and are finding our place in our ever-evolving roles as "Mom" and "Dad". It's still crazy to me to think of talking with Nick initially on eHarmony, and that I never could have imagined that I'd have a sweet baby boy with this man five years later. But here we are, and here our baby is, and (dare I say) we've made a pretty damn good family in the process.

Now, the real questions begs, what the hell will my two boys come back with from their errands...

Baseball Game - 2007

Hot Air Ballooning - 2007

Nick's 30th Birthday - 2007

Christmas - 2008

Disneyland Trip - 2009

Andrew & Wendy's Wedding - 2009

San Diego Wild Animal Park - 2009

Wedding Day - June 26th, 2010

Jamaica Honeymoon - 2010

5 months Pregnant with River - Summer 2011

First Family Photo - December 26, 2011 @ 2:20pm

Valentine's Day - 2012

Aunties

There is nothing....

In the world...

More special...

Than friends who love your baby.

Working Mom

I went back to work this week and it was hard exhausting fun stressful empowering guilt-inducing a mixture of emotions. I definitely missed my students, but OH MY LAWD I missed mah beybee! Amazing how people say you're priorities will change, but you just can't anticipate how MUCH they'll change until the little human lump shows up. I never thought I'd be someone who could be a stay-at-home mom (and I still am not sure I would be completely fulfilled if I was), but it was so much harder going back than I thought it would be.

Thank god it was River's Pop Pop who was providing "quality in-home childcare" (Pop Pop's sale slogan for his budding childcare business). It takes the stress out of leaving River as well as some of the guilt. Those two are happy clams while Mom is slaving away at work - they've got walks to attend to, playing with the dog (who River now loves to watch and laugh at), looking at things (anything, really), and naps in the glider (yes "naps" is plural, as our "quality childcare attendant" participates in naptime as well. The glider puts him down like a horse tranq.) I don't think I can even start to put into words how lucky both Nick and I feel to be able to leave River with my dad each day. Knowing that he's with family is such a relief, because you simply don't have to worry that he's being loved on, cared for, and attended to (well, other than that time I came home to Riv velcroed to the couch...)