How to Grow a Forest in Your Baby's Room

 My mom bought us the decal that I've been drooling over from Etsy (thank you Ma!), and Nick and I spent the day putting it up in Eggy's room. I lourve it! Take a peak:

I got a whole let less meticulous as this little project wore on...

I think my belly looks fake - like one of those belly pillows they have for you to stuff under your shirt at Motherhood Maternity.

Getting branch-ier.

Nick wanted to leave it like this and maybe add some creepy snakes and spiders and go for a goth theme. I nixed that idea.

Our work was greatly hindered by our "additional participants":

He looks innocent here, but mere seconds before this was shot he was knawing on some of the plastic backing from the decal. He has an unfortunate passion for all things non-edible.

What's sad is the great lengths Nick and I went to to work around them and not disturb their little mid-day nap.



I taught her everything she knows about being lady-like.

And now (drumroll please) for our final product:



 I know Eggy is going to appreciate and love his little woodland room. And by "appreciate and love" I actually mean "not even be aware it exists".

25 weeks

Had my 6 month midwife appointment on Thursday, and all looks perfect. Blood pressure is nice and low, weight gain and measurements are all spot on, glucose test came back normal (side note: glucose drink is still torture), and Eggy's heartbeat was a solid 133bmp. The midwife did lose some cool points for commenting on my growing "belly equator line" as well as asking, "Having any swelling?", then looking at my ankles and answering her own question, "Yep, looks like we have some." I've always wanted my very own set of cankles. We have one more monthly check-up, and then move to the bi-monthly appointments. I have a feeling things are going to move pretty darn fast from here...

-How far along? 25 weeks
-How big is baby? A foot long and a pound and a half fat! (Which of course means I've only gained a pound and a half myself, riiiiiggghhhhttt?)
-Weight gain? Gained 3lbs this month, which makes me up about 15lbs total
-Maternity clothes? Still able to rock a few shorts with the BeBand, but it's getting pretty hard to deny the comfort factor in maternity shorts. Pretty much only maternity tops or stolen Nicholas shirts at this point...
-Stretchies? Nopity nope.
-Sleep? Still with the hips. Talked with the midwife about it and got some potential options we can try, and got some good ideas from Celia to hopefully help me rest better without having to throw a little tantrum about my hips hurting.
-Best moment this week? Hearing Eggy's heartbeat at the midwife appointment...That just never gets old!
-Movement? All over, all the time. Love feeling him cruising around in there, but it's kind of distracting at work. I find myself poking him back every once in a while. He's also getting adept at squishing himself down on my bladder or by my front belly ligaments. Not comfortable for mommy, little man, not comfortable at all.
-Food cravings? The yogurt kick is fading, and is quickly being replaced by watermelon. But only watermelon from the Farmer's Market. Yeah, I'm high society like that.
-Gender? Still rocking a weiner as far as we know
-Belly button in or out? Flaaaaaaaaat
-What I miss? Having an wide array of clothing options to chose from in my closet without having to worry about what's not going to fit this week
- Milestone? We've officially reached viability, which means if Eggy showed up at any point from here on out the hospital will take life saving measures. Don't get any ideas Eggy - your reservations in Hotel Ute are good for another three months still.

Shouldn't Pregnancy Count Under Worker's Comp?

First day of school today. Struggling to create complete sentences at this point. Teaching (especially my students) while pregnant is hard. No, seriously, it's really hard. My ability to bend/lift/transfer/sit/stand/physically function is so much more limited, my cup of patience does not exactly runneth over, my internal thermostat is set to about 108 (which doesn't help considering my classroom is about 113 degrees), and I just get frustrated that everything is so much harder. I know, I know, it's the first day and the first day always sucks - no matter if you're pregnant or not. But. I'm still going to whine. I think to help my perspective, it would be good to insert a list of things I am thankful for. Drumroll please.

1. That I get to be fat, hot, and pregnant. I cried many, many a tear over the fact that getting pregnant was anything but a guarantee just 6 short months ago. It's easy to get hormonal and tired and forget how much you wanted this and how many people came together to pray your baby into existence and support you on the journey through infertility treatment and into conception. But there's not a day that goes by that I don't have a "wow" moment, and realize how incredibly lucky Nick and I are to live in a day and age that scientifically allows for us to become parents when we more than likely couldn't have just a decade or so ago.

2. My para's/best buddies. Not many people get to say they work with their best friend, let alone every single close friend they have. Plus not only do we work together, but we share the same immediate work title and work space. And even LESS people work with their friends in the same shared working space and STILL are able to call these people their friends! My girls (aka - The Bitches) are some of the most supportive, wise, funny, and intelligent women that I know. They are also the most amazing teachers that I have ever been privileged enough to watch work. You should have seen them kicking ass today. Seriously, if teaching were a gladiator sport, The Bitches totally went all Russell Crowe on it today.

3. That my dog didn't get eaten this weekend. Sure, she was a bit of an appetizer, but at least she wasn't a full blown doggie main course.

4. My parents. My Ma bought me the decal we've been wanting for the baby room this weekend, and is also going to throw me my baby shower in November. She's a good Nana to her Eggy Baby. Plus at school she's going to work with one of my not-so-cute students after a few years of being spoiled with only oh-so-cute students. But I know she'll still make him a welcome part of her class...it's just how she is. And my dad stopped by to check on our little Scoobie Snack today, and didn't even judge the fact that she continues to piddle out of sheer joy every time she sees him, even though it's been four years now. Yeah, that little 'habit' may be a life long battle for the Sheebs.

5. My husband. He spoils me, he makes me laugh, he does all the cleaning and the dishes (mostly because he says I don't "do it right"), and he truly loves me and the baby. What more could a girl ask for (other than maybe closing the damned downstairs toilet seat?!)

6. Ice packs for my hips. Seriously, it's the only thing getting me through the night with at least a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. Plus when it's so hot out it kind of feels good to spoon a pack of frozen water in bed. Now all I need is a bedside freezer so I can keep a steady rotation of new icepacks on my ass all night long.

7. Anything that starts with "strawberry" and ends with "yogurt parfait and granola".

8. Good toothpaste and avid oral hygiene. I love, love, LOURVE to brush my fangs, and a good fangpaste can really make the difference in my day. I got a new 'flavor' at the store the other day (with Baking Soda!) that just really hit the spot. It's the small things. Just let me have it.

9. Knowing Eggy will have an involved and loving dad. I'm so much more intuned now to fathers, family dynamics, and how people work together to raise a child. I see many moms that are married but still carrying the brunt of the child/household work themselves, and I'm just so thankful that Nick is (and WANTS to be) such an involved family man. I've had people tease me that when the baby comes I'll have to completely give up all my hobbies, free time, and personal life, but I know my husband will step up with Eggy to allow me to retain some of the things I love to do on my own. I would be so much more scared going into parenthood without such a strong partner...

10. That I have a full time job that I enjoy (just ignore that whole first paragraph rant...), that I have a good house, reliable cars, a strong family support system, a loving husband, amazing friends, and a healthy baby growing in my lady bits. Seriously people, it doesn't get a whole lot better than that!

Sheeba-the-Wonder-Dog: Part Deux

As we last left our brave heroine, she was in recovery from the rabid rabbit attack that occurred a few weeks past. Luckily with the aide of bandages, corn starch, and a good dosing of cheese, Sheeba was well healed from her brush with death. Because life clearly wants us to experience some excitement, we ran into more adventures in the realm of bleeding and battered dogs. Let us open the tome once again and explore the many ways a dog can end up bleeding all over you:

Setting: Morning has broken over the quiet town, and our leading dog is being a PITA (pain-in-the-ass for the less illuminated among us) in an attempt to draw forth her morning walk. Our protagonists Nick and Niel get down the Leash Of Glory, and get ready to head out with their trusty k-9 companion.
　
Not but steps from their doorway (seriously, we hadn’t made it around the damn corner yet, people), come two huge beasts, one black, one brown. (I know you should never mention color as you always have those people saying, “If it was a white dog would you mention THAT?!” But I felt it was pertinent to the story.) These dogs are clearly bred with the Great Dane variety of species, while our dear Sheeba is clearly bred with the more mid-sized-boxer/pit/shepard/hyperactive-spaz-ass-variety of species. The dogs start pulling at the end of their tethers as soon as they see Sheeba, and it (very) quickly becomes apparent that the sole man on the other end of said leashes is no match for their brute strength.



Key: Dog on Left = Sheeba, Dog on Right = Other dogs

　 Sheeba, Nick, and Niel make a quick 180 to head back into the house to try to save hide and hair (sadly both were inevitably lost in the end…a little teaser for what's to come...) Just as they approached their front walk, the dogs finally were able to pull their owner onto his face and break his hold on the leash. (Enter: “Oh Shit this is About to be Really Bad” music here.)
 

　

* EDITED FOR CONTENT *

Now this part is too sad for me to write in our story, so I’ll just tell you about it myself. Those dogs jumped onto Sheeba in seconds and instantly started biting and attacking. It was the oddest thing, because there was never a moment of confrontation or a test of  dominance like you would normally see before a “dog fight” - those dogs just went straight into attack-mode. I jumped out of the way (save the baby!) and Nick still had hold of Sheeba on the leash. Sheeba kind of cowered on the ground and those two dogs were just ripping into her. Within about 30 seconds the other owner had gotten to his feet and grabbed his dogs' leashes and was able to pull them away, and Nick was able to get Sheeba back closer to him. I was so terrified that Sheeba was just going to be lying on the ground in pieces, but she was able to get up and Nick got her inside right away. I yelled at the guy to stay where he was so I could get his information, and grabbed a pen and paper and got his name and number. He was good about giving us his information, but sadly didn’t seem surprised by what his dogs had just done. When I got back in it was immediately obvious where Sheeba had gotten the brunt of the damage - her back right haunch had about a 2”x 2” section ripped out of it completely, hide, hair, and everything (see, I told you that “hide nor hair” thing would come back into play!) There was a flap of skin just hanging there, so it was pretty obvious that she needed a vet asap. To recreate the fight in a less traumatic fashion, we'll employ the use of stunt-prarie-dogs:

　
Now back to our story...

Sheeba-the-Wonder-Dog got into the house completely ramped up on adrenaline and fear. She asked her beloved owners about how bad she had “gotten the other dogs” in the fight, and after passing concerned parental looks over her head, they both reassured her that she had kicked some serious ass. (Truth? The most she managed to do was piddle in terror.) 　
It was decided that there was no time to wait for the doggie ambulance, so everyone loaded up into the car for the trip to the vet. Once arriving at the doggie ER, the shame of Sheeba’s prior “issues” had to come to light. Sheeba-the-Wonder-Dog is straight up terrified of the vet. Now every protagonist must have an Achilles heel, and sadly for Sheeba, hers is currently the only thing that can put her little dog bits back together again. Our newest character (enter “Vet”, stage right) was willing to check Sheeba out outside sans coat and stethoscope, which did the trick. Sheeba-the-Wonder-Dog is adequately fooled, and allows for a brief examine. Unfortunately it’s apparent that this is going to be stitches-requiring wound (enter Prop 786 - “oral sedation“).

 After about 20 minutes post-sedation, our Wonder Dog has gone from this:

To this:

After a little more night-night juice, Nicholas carries Sheeba back to the operating table. Thankfully she can’t even hold her head up independently at this point, so for the moment life is good for our characters of “Sheeba” as well as “Vet”. Some Novocain, wound cleaning, and a handful of stitches later, Sheeba is no longer rocking a hindquarter that was, quite literally, in quarters.

Before



During



After (All those dark areas are bruising/swelling) :(

It was a sad, traumatic experience for our leading canis lupus familiaris, but after a day of rest (along with some narcotics every 6-8 hours) she has been making a good recovery. The villians of the story are soon to be reported to Animal Control, and thankfully their henchman (“The Owner”) did pay the entire $500 vet bill.



Clearly mentally reliving the trauma in this picture.

 We shall close on a note of hope, as we all pray that this will be Sheeba-the-Wonder-Dog’s last brush with death and destruction. But we all know, when the bone shaped beacon shines through the night skies of Fort Collins, our Wonder Dog will be there to avenge injustice and protect the innocent. Well, she’ll be there unless there are two really big-ass dogs there. Then she’ll just be in the corner piddling.

The End.

　
　

An Illustrated Guide to my Pregnancy

As I approach the 6 month mark, I feel that there are a few key points of this pregnancy that are important to touch upon (with picture references, of course):

1. Sweat
One of the lovely things I've discovered in my pregnancy journey is the glory of sweat. I've never really been a sweaty person, and all the sudden girlfriend gets knocked up and it's like the facet got turned on. This is a really attractive new quality, which will definitely be nicely spotlighted come next week when we start back to school in my non-air conditioned classroom. Nothing like pit stains and upper lip sweat to impress a new parent, eh?

2. Heartburn
I've never in all my years experienced heartburn. I love spicy food, enjoy a nice glass of beer every so often (well not anymore...way to ruin EVERYTHING Eggy!!!) and never have struggled with this upper-gastrointestinal tract issue. But now that I'm preggo I've been privledged enough to learn the fire-y, destructive pain that is heartburn. Oh. Mah. Gawd. So unpleasant and icky. I think the worst part is that Tums are now like little 'treats' for me - I dig out the red ones cause they're so damn tasty.



Look - even ET gets heartburn!


3. Hormones
Being that I hadn't ovulated in, oh, let's see, 26 years or so prior to getting pregnant, I'm not really a girl that's very familiar with hormonal issues. I've always been fairly calm and steady, and definitely not a female with a pre-disposition to tears. Ah, but insert that silly little HcG hormone into my system and it turns out I go BAT SHIT CRAZY. All I can say is poor, poor Nicholas. The boy just doesn't know what to do with himself. He can't look at me without causing tears, but then "YOU'RE NOT LOOKING AT ME AND IT'S CAUSE I'M A HIDEOUS FREAK AND YOU HATE ME ISN'T IT?! JUST SAY IT! I KNOW IT'S TRUE! AND I...oh, is that ice cream? Can I has some?"

4. Baby Movement
Now don't get me wrong, feeling your baby move inside you is everything they tell you it will be, what with the miracle, and the bond, and the magic, and the connection to mother earth and whatnot (okay, that last mother earth thing I just pulled out of my heiney.) But, yeah, there's that other part. You know...the creepy part. That part where you see your belly moving while you're lying watching tv, and you sit watching it for hours in a torn mixture of fascination and horror. I do love the comfort of knowing Eggy's in there happy and healthy, but then there's that little part of my brain going, "Whoa. This could totally just be some sort of angry stomach/uterine demon in there. Not good." It's a small part of my brain saying this, but still. I mean, c'mon. Creepy.

The whole 'fetal movement' thing didn't turn out so great for her, now did it?

5. Toots (also known as: Gas, Stinkers, Farts, etc.)
Okay, so most people don't want to tackle this issue. I get it, bodily function, pretty embarrassing, very un-lady-like (because the threat of not being lady-like always stops me from discussing a topic). But alas, it turns out that pregnancy and passing gas are two topics that are simply too intertwined to tease apart. I've always fancied myself discreet when it comes to things like this (discreet meaning of course I blame things on my dog/husband/students/etc.). Yeah, now that I'm pregnant and simply can't help myself I've decided to turn over a new leaf and just own it. Pfffffft. What the? Yeah. That was me. The pregnant lady. Right here people. Carrying a baby and can't hold my farts in public anymore. Bring it.

I Love

 I love...

That you sing "Proud to be an American" off-key to my belly, since it's the only 'baby song' you know.

That you smile when you see dads with their sons doing just about anything, because that's "so gonna be me".

That you already shop in the toy aisle every time we go to the store to check out all the fun things you want to buy yourself the baby.

That somewhere deep down you seem to actually think that Eggy is going to be able to play catch with you at 2 months old.

That you patiently keep your hand on my belly while I keep asking, "Okay, tell me you felt THAT?!" But you felt him last night, so it's worth it.

That you bought a special frame for the ultrasound picture so you could put it on your desk at work.

That you tell me how now your favorite body part of mine is my belly.

That you yell at me if I poke or tap my stomach because it might "upset the baby".

That you've had as much fun shopping for nursery items, baby clothes, and other such things as I have.

That you make me feel beautiful even when I feel like a hippo.

That you tease me about looking like a hippo.

That you cheered and then cried when we found out we were having a boy.

That you came home the other day with a "Babies First Bible" to put on the bookshelf in the nursery.

That when we sit and watch tv at night, you rub my belly just to be closer to the baby.

I love what an amazing father you are going to be. It makes me love you even more than I thought was possible.

Our son is one lucky little man.

Prepare yourself...

For baby room cuteness explosion extravaganza. I heart our baby room. You may heart it too...Take a look:

I can't wait to get the animal wall decal to put up on the wall behind the crib and changing table. And I can't wait to get the owl quilt, the hamper that matches the bedding, and the framed pictures of woodland creatures that the Etsy Demons have convinced me that I simply need. Oh, and it'll be nice to have a baby in the room at some point too, I suppose. Yeah. That.

Other mammals that enjoy the baby room:

Sheeba checking out the baby goods for potential edible qualities.

Kitty, enjoying the very expensive new bed he thinks we bought him. No wonder he didn't like the $15 Wal-Mart Kat Tower. He wanted the Graco Lauren cherry finish wood crib. Duh.

 I think we need to have a little "family meeting" about what's coming home less than four months from now. Somehow me thinks the pets just aren't quite prepared enough to be knocked down a spot as leading contenders for our time and attention. Not good.

Other great things in the world of my pregnancy include the shirt that my girls got me when we found out we're having a boy.





Most friends when finding out the sex of another friend's baby would purchase blue or pink clothing, bedding, bottles, or other gender-themed related goodies. My dear friends, on the other hand, buy me a shirt with an ultrasound picture of a male fetus with a humongous weiner. Unfortunately the saddest thing about the whole scenario is how much I friggin' love this shirt. Nick of course wants me to wear it out everywhere since he feels it shows people that his son is already hung like a horse. I don't know that we as a couple should be trusted to raise a human.


And finally, some belly pics and a survey:

How far along?: Going on 22 weeks

How big is baby?: Nearly 12" and 1 lbs

Weight gain?: Haven't weighed myself but clothing is definitely feeling...tighter.

Maternity Clothes?: Still surviving on the belly band and bigger t-shirts. God bless work out pants/tops.

Stretch Marks?: Zilch.

Sleep?: If I could rip my hip bones out with a crow bar, I would.

Best moment this week?: Getting the baby room set up! I lourve it.

Movement?: Kicks, jabs, rolls, and whatnot. Eggy moves around in the morning when I first wake up and then a ton in the evening.

Food cravings?: Soft serve ice cream!

Aversions?: I'm nearly 6 months pregnant. Honestly, I'll pretty much eat anything.
Gender?: See above pictured t-shirt. 

Belly button in or out?: I poke my finger in it every night to remind it to stay an innie. No offensive to outies, but ewwwww. 
What I miss most?: Being COOL (as in temperature-wise - even pregnant I'm still a bad-ass). Once I get hot it is so hard for me to cool down! The A/C has been working overtime lately...

What I'm looking forward to?: Nick being able to feel the baby. Now I think it's just a matter of him feeling my belly at the right time!