True Story

Last week I wrote a new blog post about little man's morning face wash time. It was illustrated nicely with some adorable pictures of River in the bathroom getting his cabasa scrubbed and lotioned.
Exhibit A:

After hitting publish, I went on my merry way going about my day. Not but ten minutes go by and my phone buzzes with a text from my sis-in-law. "Love the new pictures of River - he's adorable! But you might want to check the first picture...I think I see boobies."

Lessons I Will Now Live By:

1. If you happen to breastfeed your child, and have any inkling that they may do something cute that begs to be photographed, put on a shirt first.

2. If you happen to breastfeed your child, and have any inkling that they may do something cute that begs to be photographed, and you don't put on a shirt first, don't have the picture area be a space with no less than three (3) mirrors that reflect back in some bizarre 4th dimension kind of time warp which will somehow allow for your boobie to be captured in the shot.

3. When pre-editing your photos, tear your eyes away from your beautiful baby long enough to actually look at what's occupying the rest of the frame.

4. Sister-in-laws can be worth their weight in gold if you accidently post nudy pictures of yourself online

.

5. It's good to familiarize yourself with the "delete post" button, because when in the midst of a "holy *#%^ I posted topless pictures online" panic, it's stressfully tedious to explore your blog for the little red X.

* I did successfully erase the post, so stop scanning through the post history. Pervert.

** Wendy - thank you for having a keen eye and for wasting no time in texting me. Sorry you had to see my jubilees. 

Jingle Bugs

Meet the jingle bugs:

The jingle bugs recently moved onto our car carrier, and include Mr. Bee, Mr. Flower, and Mr.Bug (the last one is a bit nondescript, so we went with an unoffensive, PC bug title for him).

Sometimes the jingle bugs give us light conversation - typical cooler talk topics such as "Why are you covered in binkies?"

Other times we get into more academic, cerebral discussions, which require intense focus and concentration.

Mr. Bee occasionally has a fun foible to share, or perhaps the latest Reader's Digest joke.

But just when the conversation is getting comfortable, that damn Mr. Flower has to go and say something crude and offensive.

We may need to find some new friends.

His Boy

He may be a mama's boy...

Or he could very well be a daddy's boy...

But I already know...

With total certainty...

No question...

Or confusion...

My son will be a PopPop's boy.

Just like his mommy.

Valentine's Day

Beautiful flowers + A frame with all the notes I wrote Nick about the baby while I was pregnant + A sweet card + Dinner out together sans baby (thanks Nana and PopPop!) + A baby onesie with "Mommy's Little Cupid" on it = A Fan-freakin'-tastic Valentine's Day.

I am so lucky to have TWO amazing men in my life for Valentine's Day this year...It's hard to believe that last year on Valentine's Day we were in the midst of infertility treatments, cycles of fertility drugs, negative pregnancy tests, and uncertainty of if we'd ever get to be parents. Oh how things have changed...

We are blessed. Happy Valentine's Day...

Baby Online Dating Profile

Name:
River Garrett

Age:
7 weeks

I would describe myself as:
Sophisticated, mature, debonair, and sensitive.

My current interests include:
Bath time (yes I've learned to love it), being held/rocked/snuggled/anything that involves NOT being put down, my singing light-up turtle, romantic candlelight dinners (ie - boobie milk)

My favorite past times are:
Getting drive-by-lickings in the face from Sheeba-the-Wonder-Dog, long walks stuffed in the moby wrap, and post-meal naps

On the weekends I:
Eat, sleep, poop, and clean with my Daddy. The cleaning is the only real differentiation from weekday to weekend activities.

The best way to contact me if you're interested is:

Call my mom. I'm 7 weeks old for crissake - I don't own a phone much less have the ability to verbalize.

Things We Hate

Being Born (too traumatic)

Bath Time (too naked)

Tummy Time (too face-down-ish)

Gas Bubbles (too uncomfortable...though we do like the warming pad)

Hearing Tests (too dorky)

Our car seat (too not-being-held-y)

Me so angry.

Tummy Time HELL!!!!!!!!!!

I'm showing this Tummy Time Caterpiller who's boss. We've got mad head control up in this mutha'.

Alright, going to need a little breather here guys...

Okay. I'm over it. Get me off the caterpiller, Mom.



Annnnnd, CUE FREAK OUT!!!!!!



Public Service Announcement

 It's 2:00pm - do you know where you're newborn is?

Don't let your baby fall victim to the latest fad: getting "milked up" (common street names: "milkies", "boobie juice", "num nums", "snackies"). Remember, "I'm just going to try it this once" is the gateway phrase to full blown addiction.

This is your baby:

This is your baby on milkies:

Any questions?

Random Musings

1. I have an unfortunate affinity for dressing my child in the dorkiest (cutest) clothes I can possibly find.
Example:


Because it's never too early for a patriotic sweater vest.

 2. I started pumping to store up a supply of breastmilk. Things I've come to learn:
A) Pumping grosses me out. I've never in my life felt like such a cow. It makes me want to refer to my breasts as udders.
B) Gathering breastmilk is an extremely tedious process. I'm stoked when I get a full ounce. Nicholas likens it to a snake venom extraction.
C) Because I get so little return each time, I treat that milk like it's the elixer to old age. When I'm transferring it into the storage bags it's done with the kind of attention and focus usually reserved for level 4 deadly virus labs. Can't. Waste. A. Drop.
D) I know all my time, effiort, and patience will be for naught, as when PopPop Gary starts babysitting he'll probably go through my precious supply in a matter of hours.

3. River is now really focusing and looking at things around him. He has these little bug rattles that hang on the handle of his car seat, and the boy is determined to figure out what the hell those things are. He studies those things like there's going to be a test on them. (Which there might.)

4. Our bath towel looks like a KKK hood.