...That I was overdue by 8 days. And that time? Yeah. It's now. So that's pretty sweet I guess. Turns out my creativity and motivation have taken a tanker along with my baby's sense of timeliness, so let's just explore the facts:
- We've had 3 NST (non-stress tests) all of which show a completely healthy, happy baby in there. A little too happy and content, obviously.
- NST's are also showing some semi-regular contractions, just nothing squeezing an Eggmund towards the light. I'm an ineffective contractor and my son continues to reside somewhere near my upper rib cage.
- I continue to be at about 1cm and 50% effaced. (Which, in a total side bar, makes me touch upon my feelings regarding the word "effaced". It sounds like something college kids should say when talking about their weekend. IE - "Man, I was so totally effaced Saturday night! That *%& was crazy!!!" And because I have that in my head, every time the midwife tells me how "effaced" I am I giggle just a little bit inside.)
- We had an ultrasound on Thursday to check fluid levels, which look great (9.5...5 or lower is usually the medical guideline for a reason to induce). Eggmund's head is also down and in the locked and loaded position, which is what we want. The u/s also showed that there's a WHOOOOOOLLLLEEE lotta babee in there. Seriously, the tech had that wand all over my belly, and everywhere she turned it, LOOK MORE BAYBEE! I felt like she could have run that ultrasound over my neck and probably found an arm or something floating around up there.
- I'm tired and a little sore, but all in all not doing too bad considering I'm 41 weeks + 1 day. I went to Body Combat the last two days, and while I wouldn't say I'm trained and ready for a cage fight, I'm still at least able to move my fat arse around.
So the plan as it stands:
If no Eggmund by Monday, we go in and smoke 'em out. Cervical prep will start Monday night in the hospital, and after monitoring that all night they will start induction Tuesday morning.
One way or another, the boy is being removed. He's got to learn you can't ignore an eviction notice. Cause next thing you know the police are banging down the door telling you to vacate the premises. I don't want it to have to get to that point, but Eggy's showing me that extreme actions are going to need to be taken. Eggmund, consider this your final warning.
Friday, December 23, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Top Ten
At this point in pregnancy, I feel qualified to speak on behalf of all pregger woman when I say there are certain things that NO pregnant woman likes to hear. Why, oh why, do people say these things? To help enlighten you (so you aren't inadvertently the jerk wipe who makes one of these unfortunate comments) allow me to list ten of the top SERIOUSLY YOU JUST SAID THAT?!? comments I've received this pregnancy:
1. "Is that a watermelon you're smuggling out of the store? Harhar!"
No, WalMart greeter. This isn't a watermelon. It's my stomach, which is in the process of bearing human life. And as much as my tender, shaky emotional state appreciates you comparing my once rock-hard abs to that of a piece of 4lbs produce, could you keep that one to yourself next time?
2. "Wow, do you know how swollen your ankles are?!"
Gosh no. I couldn't feel them rubbing across the tops of my sneakers or aching with all the retained fluid they're full of. I'm so glad you were here to bring my awareness to my elephantitis cankle issue. Thank god you didn't let me miss it.
3. "Get sleep now, because you're never going to get it again!"
Boy I'd love to get some sleep, but seeing as I have a 7lbs human currently residing in my mid-section, sleep is proving a little hard to come by these days. I like to think of this as "practice" for when Eggmund actually shows up and is awake all night.
4. "You think you're uncomfortable/tired/stressed/etc. now, just wait till that baby comes!"
I always feel like the next comment they make should be along the lines of, 'Whew, you just totally ruined your life when you decided to get knocked up!' The "motherhood is the most amazing experience" comment always seems to be a sort of afterthought once they finish expressing the sheer horrors that you have clearly doomed yourself to by choosing the path of parenthood.
5. "Oh man, when I was in labor _____________" (Insert labor/delivery horror story here)
Funny, when I got married no one suddenly had an insatiable urge to tell me about their terrible divorce story. Why does everyone feel such a need to tell me all about how their hoo-ha ripped in two, how they labored for 84 days before giving birth, how they projectile vomited/pooed all over the table, how they bit through a leather strap waiting for their epidural....
6. "Can I rub your belly?" (As they are already rubbing your belly...)
Now, let me specificy that I've actually been much more relaxed about people rubbing my belly during my pregnancy than I thought I would be. Honestly with some of my friends and my family I like it when they rub the bump - it's fun to share with them. That being said, when random strangers (like the meth head who rubbed my belly while cooing "a bun in the oven!" during the Christmas food drive Nick and I volunteered at last weekend) start rubbing, I start feeling weird. Like, really weird.
7. "You really need to labor naturally/get an epidural immediately/never get a c-section/let your child cry-it-out/etc."
As much as I appreciate your completely unsolicitated advice on my pregnancy, labor, delivery, or child-rearing, I think I'm going to pass. Because the day I start looking for parental guidance from school bus drivers, little old ladies at the grocery store, or the random dishwasher salesman at Lowes who lectured me about how I needed to be birth naturally, it's time for me to reconsider my abilities as a mother.
8. "You know, what you need to do to jump start labor is..."
As I told a poor, sweet, fellow teacher today (who happened to be the 8,483 person to give me a "jump start labor technique"): everyone did something before going into labor. This does not mean this activity is what sent you into labor. It just means it's what you did before your body decided it was time to expell your baby. Just because you happened to eat Neopolitan ice cream, watch Teen Mom, and then go to bed with 3 pillows instead of 4 prior to going into labor does not mean this will send me into labor. (Not to say that I didn't eat Neopolitan ice cream and watch Teen Mom tonight, but that's neither here nor there.)
9. "Just remember, babies are way easier to care for when they are on the inside, so enjoy it now!"
As much as I love being pregnant (not even being sarcastic here!), the whole point of this damn thing was to have a baby. Like, a real, true, on-the-outside baby. I'm sure Eggmund will be slightly more work once he's not confined to my ute. But I think it'll probably be a little more exciting when we can, like, see him and touch him and stuff.
And for my personal favorite....
10. "Haven't you had that baby yet??!?!?!?!"
No. Clearly, the answer to that is no. If I have the baby, and start carrying him around under my shirt to maintain my belly bump, I will forewarn you. Until then, just assume that if I still look 40 weeks pregnant, I probably am. And just for the record, that question is stupid. And it makes pregnant women want to kick you in the mouth. So, just keep that in mind next time you find yourself about to say this (or any variation on this comment/question, such as "You're still here?" or "No baby yet?!" or "Aren't you ever going to have him/her?") Because as a little free scientific lesson for you, pregnant women have NO EFFIN' CONTROL over when their little spawn decides to make his/her big debut. So just do me a favor and never say this to anyone. Ever. For reals.
1. "Is that a watermelon you're smuggling out of the store? Harhar!"
No, WalMart greeter. This isn't a watermelon. It's my stomach, which is in the process of bearing human life. And as much as my tender, shaky emotional state appreciates you comparing my once rock-hard abs to that of a piece of 4lbs produce, could you keep that one to yourself next time?
2. "Wow, do you know how swollen your ankles are?!"
Gosh no. I couldn't feel them rubbing across the tops of my sneakers or aching with all the retained fluid they're full of. I'm so glad you were here to bring my awareness to my elephantitis cankle issue. Thank god you didn't let me miss it.
3. "Get sleep now, because you're never going to get it again!"
Boy I'd love to get some sleep, but seeing as I have a 7lbs human currently residing in my mid-section, sleep is proving a little hard to come by these days. I like to think of this as "practice" for when Eggmund actually shows up and is awake all night.
4. "You think you're uncomfortable/tired/stressed/etc. now, just wait till that baby comes!"
I always feel like the next comment they make should be along the lines of, 'Whew, you just totally ruined your life when you decided to get knocked up!' The "motherhood is the most amazing experience" comment always seems to be a sort of afterthought once they finish expressing the sheer horrors that you have clearly doomed yourself to by choosing the path of parenthood.
5. "Oh man, when I was in labor _____________" (Insert labor/delivery horror story here)
Funny, when I got married no one suddenly had an insatiable urge to tell me about their terrible divorce story. Why does everyone feel such a need to tell me all about how their hoo-ha ripped in two, how they labored for 84 days before giving birth, how they projectile vomited/pooed all over the table, how they bit through a leather strap waiting for their epidural....
6. "Can I rub your belly?" (As they are already rubbing your belly...)
Now, let me specificy that I've actually been much more relaxed about people rubbing my belly during my pregnancy than I thought I would be. Honestly with some of my friends and my family I like it when they rub the bump - it's fun to share with them. That being said, when random strangers (like the meth head who rubbed my belly while cooing "a bun in the oven!" during the Christmas food drive Nick and I volunteered at last weekend) start rubbing, I start feeling weird. Like, really weird.
7. "You really need to labor naturally/get an epidural immediately/never get a c-section/let your child cry-it-out/etc."
As much as I appreciate your completely unsolicitated advice on my pregnancy, labor, delivery, or child-rearing, I think I'm going to pass. Because the day I start looking for parental guidance from school bus drivers, little old ladies at the grocery store, or the random dishwasher salesman at Lowes who lectured me about how I needed to be birth naturally, it's time for me to reconsider my abilities as a mother.
8. "You know, what you need to do to jump start labor is..."
As I told a poor, sweet, fellow teacher today (who happened to be the 8,483 person to give me a "jump start labor technique"): everyone did something before going into labor. This does not mean this activity is what sent you into labor. It just means it's what you did before your body decided it was time to expell your baby. Just because you happened to eat Neopolitan ice cream, watch Teen Mom, and then go to bed with 3 pillows instead of 4 prior to going into labor does not mean this will send me into labor. (Not to say that I didn't eat Neopolitan ice cream and watch Teen Mom tonight, but that's neither here nor there.)
9. "Just remember, babies are way easier to care for when they are on the inside, so enjoy it now!"
As much as I love being pregnant (not even being sarcastic here!), the whole point of this damn thing was to have a baby. Like, a real, true, on-the-outside baby. I'm sure Eggmund will be slightly more work once he's not confined to my ute. But I think it'll probably be a little more exciting when we can, like, see him and touch him and stuff.
And for my personal favorite....
10. "Haven't you had that baby yet??!?!?!?!"
No. Clearly, the answer to that is no. If I have the baby, and start carrying him around under my shirt to maintain my belly bump, I will forewarn you. Until then, just assume that if I still look 40 weeks pregnant, I probably am. And just for the record, that question is stupid. And it makes pregnant women want to kick you in the mouth. So, just keep that in mind next time you find yourself about to say this (or any variation on this comment/question, such as "You're still here?" or "No baby yet?!" or "Aren't you ever going to have him/her?") Because as a little free scientific lesson for you, pregnant women have NO EFFIN' CONTROL over when their little spawn decides to make his/her big debut. So just do me a favor and never say this to anyone. Ever. For reals.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Eviction Notice
My dearest Eggmund,
I know that your due date isn't officially for another three days, but don't you want to make a fashionably early appearance? Everyone wants to meet you, sweet boy, especially your mommy and daddy. It's been a long 40 weeks, and I think the world is finally ready for an Eggy Baby to make his grand debut. So head toward the light, child, and get the hell outta my ute.
So much love,
Mommy
I know that your due date isn't officially for another three days, but don't you want to make a fashionably early appearance? Everyone wants to meet you, sweet boy, especially your mommy and daddy. It's been a long 40 weeks, and I think the world is finally ready for an Eggy Baby to make his grand debut. So head toward the light, child, and get the hell outta my ute.
So much love,
Mommy
Thursday, December 1, 2011
38 Weeks
How far along? 38 weeks. Full term and ready to pop out some good ol' fashioned human life. By my estimation, with Eggmund being full term already, he's really just loafing around in there, like some fetal super senior. I hope this doesn't forebode slacker status for my son...
-How big is baby? 7 pounds and 20 inches long. And I'm feeling eeeeeeveeeeerrrrrry pound and eeeeeeveeeeerrrrrry inch.
-Weight gain? Weight has held steady the last few weeks. I have a feeling my total gain will probably end up being right at the 26lbs mark (barring any unforeseen ice cream binges brought on by late-term pregnancy mania.)
-Maternity clothes? It's worrisome when I start looking at my maternity clothes with the same sort of skeptical "I don't think this ever actually fit" as I did with my pre-pregnancy clothes. Now that Eggmund's head has dropped, everything has a really attractive way of bunching and puckering at the crotch. Because the only thing more attractive than being nearly 10 months pregnant is having bunched crotch pants.
-Stretchies? By god, I think I might have just gotten away free and clear. (I hope I don't live to regret sending that little sentence into the universe. Better go apply some more cocoa butter just in case.)
-Sleep? Just when I thought it couldn't get worse, the sleeplessness reached a whole new level. I spent all of Tuesday night awake with back contractions. Couldn't get comfortable, couldn't fall asleep, kept trying to reposition (easier said then done with the 7lbs goiter in my bellah.) It was the longest night ever...I'd look at the clock and then fall asleep, and when I woke back up I was sure it had to be close to morning, and I'd be lucky if 30 minutes had passed. It was like some sort of horrible time warp...Like the kind that used to happen in my high school Spanish class. You'd walk in and time would suddenly start ticking backwards.
-Movement? Movements are actually pretty uncomfortable at this point - feels like he's doing chin-ups using my ribs and stretching his sharp little feets out of my sides. Me thinks I'm having a baby with javelin-like hands and feet. Still getting lots of hiccups (usually in the morning). Now that his head has dropped more it feels like the hiccups are in my crotch, which, needless to say, is a bit disconcerting.
-Food cravings? Food is starting to be a little overrated. Smaller meals definitely settle better with the limited room left in my guts region. (And by "smaller meals" I am of course referring to Neapolitan ice cream.)
-Gender? Hoping it hasn't changed.
-Belly button in or out? I miss my modest belly button. Now my button's all out and about, like some kind of belly button whore.
-What I miss? Energy. Being able to breath. Turning over in bed without having to grab Nick to hoist myself over with.
- Milestones? Real life contractions! Timed 'em and everything. Not to say they went anywhere, but still...they were there. Got checked at the midwife on Wednesday, and we're 1cm and 50% effaced. I just want this little man to arrive. C'mon Eggmund. Mommy and Daddy are waiting.
And some pictures of a very serious belly:
-How big is baby? 7 pounds and 20 inches long. And I'm feeling eeeeeeveeeeerrrrrry pound and eeeeeeveeeeerrrrrry inch.
-Weight gain? Weight has held steady the last few weeks. I have a feeling my total gain will probably end up being right at the 26lbs mark (barring any unforeseen ice cream binges brought on by late-term pregnancy mania.)
-Maternity clothes? It's worrisome when I start looking at my maternity clothes with the same sort of skeptical "I don't think this ever actually fit" as I did with my pre-pregnancy clothes. Now that Eggmund's head has dropped, everything has a really attractive way of bunching and puckering at the crotch. Because the only thing more attractive than being nearly 10 months pregnant is having bunched crotch pants.
-Stretchies? By god, I think I might have just gotten away free and clear. (I hope I don't live to regret sending that little sentence into the universe. Better go apply some more cocoa butter just in case.)
-Sleep? Just when I thought it couldn't get worse, the sleeplessness reached a whole new level. I spent all of Tuesday night awake with back contractions. Couldn't get comfortable, couldn't fall asleep, kept trying to reposition (easier said then done with the 7lbs goiter in my bellah.) It was the longest night ever...I'd look at the clock and then fall asleep, and when I woke back up I was sure it had to be close to morning, and I'd be lucky if 30 minutes had passed. It was like some sort of horrible time warp...Like the kind that used to happen in my high school Spanish class. You'd walk in and time would suddenly start ticking backwards.
-Movement? Movements are actually pretty uncomfortable at this point - feels like he's doing chin-ups using my ribs and stretching his sharp little feets out of my sides. Me thinks I'm having a baby with javelin-like hands and feet. Still getting lots of hiccups (usually in the morning). Now that his head has dropped more it feels like the hiccups are in my crotch, which, needless to say, is a bit disconcerting.
-Food cravings? Food is starting to be a little overrated. Smaller meals definitely settle better with the limited room left in my guts region. (And by "smaller meals" I am of course referring to Neapolitan ice cream.)
-Gender? Hoping it hasn't changed.
-Belly button in or out? I miss my modest belly button. Now my button's all out and about, like some kind of belly button whore.
-What I miss? Energy. Being able to breath. Turning over in bed without having to grab Nick to hoist myself over with.
- Milestones? Real life contractions! Timed 'em and everything. Not to say they went anywhere, but still...they were there. Got checked at the midwife on Wednesday, and we're 1cm and 50% effaced. I just want this little man to arrive. C'mon Eggmund. Mommy and Daddy are waiting.
And some pictures of a very serious belly:
 |
| 38 weeks, and feeling sexy. |
 |
| Whoa there big mama. |
 |
| In a moment of pregnancy-induced craziness, I decided to take a picture of my 38 week belly. And in a moment of total pregnancy-induced psychosis, I decided to post said picture onto the internets for all to see. Point and laugh, if you must. |
 |
| And finally a picture of me with a sloth. Because when is a picture with a sloth NOT an appropriate way to end a blog post? Never. That's when. |
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Trial Run
The night before my shower, Nick, Colleen (mother-in-law), and I were headed out to dinner with Nick's cousin and boyfriend. It had been a LONG day at work and I had been having what I thought were braxton hicks contractions all day, so we were going to just do a quick meal and then head home. Literally right before we walk out the door I stop to go pee, and realize that I'm spotting ever so slightly. I immediately holler at Nick (and do the obligatory "Look!" Again, pregnancy really is throwing the mystery and romance out of this marriage...) and ask him to grab my phone so I can give Celia a call. I leave her a message letting her know what's going on, and then we decide to take off for dinner. We're still in the car when Celia calls back, and in her wonderful, calm, accent-y sort of way, she reassures me that, "Everything is fine, Eggmund is fine, you are fine, and all is well....Now call the midwife immediately and I'll be at your house in five minutes.". Cough. Sputter. Ack. I (of course) start crying, call the midwife (who tells me to go straight to labor and delivery), and then apologize profusely to my sweet MIL for ruining the evening. We drop Colleen off for dinner so she can still enjoy time with her neice, and Nick and I heads to L&R to meet up with Celia and get checked out. They hook me up to a fetal monitor as well as a contraction monitor and just watch for a while, and it turns out I was having pretty regular contractions (every 2-4 minutes). They ended up giving me a few doses of meds to stop the contractions and help me get a little more comfortable, and diagnose me with a yeast infection (which was the culprit for the spotting). After a few hours they sent us on our merry way, which involved a quick stop for a Wendy's frosty before heading home.
Lessons I learned from this experience:
1. Listen to Celia when she tells you to go in and get checked out with the midwives when you mention you "think you might be getting a yeast infection" but then you "think it suddenly cleared up on its own". Yeah, going in and getting it checked out during regular midwife business hours probably would have been easier. But where's the excitement in that, I ask ya?
2. That old lesson your mom taught you about always wearing good underwears cause you never know when you're going to be in a wreck? Yeah, that applies during pregnancy too. They told us to go straight to L&D without stopping by home first, which meant I was in the open backed hospital gown wearing blue panties with a rubber ducky on the front and "YOU QUACK ME UP" printed across the arse. And if you think Nick and Celia let that slide without mentioning it to everyone, you are severely out of touch with my 'labor support team'.
3. Stay hydrated at all times. Because a) dehydration definitely adds to your contractions and b) everyone on previously mentioned 'support team' somehow gains free license to look in your pee cup and pass judgment on your urine color/hydration levels once you enter the hospital.
4. There are slits in the hospital gowns at exactly boobie level. But they are only on one side (right). And while you sit there trying to figure out why there is a slit in only one side (meaning only one boob keeps popping out), your loving doula will come over to try to investigate this mystery by peering down the hole and staring at your nipples. Results: hole is for EKG leads, and Celia and I have reached a whole new level of familiarity.
5. Nick and Celia only need the time it takes me to go pee to come up with a combined set of new "rules" for me to follow (they call them "rules", I call them "edicts". Where's the democracy here, people?!?) After my potty trips, I came out to 1. no more working out 2. leaving work by 3:00 every day (which, after one more bathroom trip, somehow morphed into leaving work by 2:00 every day.) These two are not to be left alone to discuss my pregnancy. They are both stubborn, hard-headed, and unaffected by my charms of persuasion. Nielly no likey.
Lessons I learned from this experience:
1. Listen to Celia when she tells you to go in and get checked out with the midwives when you mention you "think you might be getting a yeast infection" but then you "think it suddenly cleared up on its own". Yeah, going in and getting it checked out during regular midwife business hours probably would have been easier. But where's the excitement in that, I ask ya?
2. That old lesson your mom taught you about always wearing good underwears cause you never know when you're going to be in a wreck? Yeah, that applies during pregnancy too. They told us to go straight to L&D without stopping by home first, which meant I was in the open backed hospital gown wearing blue panties with a rubber ducky on the front and "YOU QUACK ME UP" printed across the arse. And if you think Nick and Celia let that slide without mentioning it to everyone, you are severely out of touch with my 'labor support team'.
3. Stay hydrated at all times. Because a) dehydration definitely adds to your contractions and b) everyone on previously mentioned 'support team' somehow gains free license to look in your pee cup and pass judgment on your urine color/hydration levels once you enter the hospital.
4. There are slits in the hospital gowns at exactly boobie level. But they are only on one side (right). And while you sit there trying to figure out why there is a slit in only one side (meaning only one boob keeps popping out), your loving doula will come over to try to investigate this mystery by peering down the hole and staring at your nipples. Results: hole is for EKG leads, and Celia and I have reached a whole new level of familiarity.
5. Nick and Celia only need the time it takes me to go pee to come up with a combined set of new "rules" for me to follow (they call them "rules", I call them "edicts". Where's the democracy here, people?!?) After my potty trips, I came out to 1. no more working out 2. leaving work by 3:00 every day (which, after one more bathroom trip, somehow morphed into leaving work by 2:00 every day.) These two are not to be left alone to discuss my pregnancy. They are both stubborn, hard-headed, and unaffected by my charms of persuasion. Nielly no likey.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Pregnancy Brain...
...Leads to disjointed thought process. Though to make it sound purposeful and literary, let us instead title this post "Stream of Consciousness". Proceed.
*****
My mom threw me a baby shower and it was grand. We got spoiled, no two ways about it. I think we are ready for this little Eggmund to make his Eggtastic debut...
*****
My swollen ankles have taken on a life of their own. Just to boost the attractability levels, only righty really swells up, so I'm left with one elephant leg and one normal leg. Chew on that visual, why don't ya.
*****
I need to stop buying baby clothes. I swear the addiction is getting worse the closer we get.
******
I really love my hubby. He's taken such good care of me this pregnancy (which, in his mind, means giving me lots and lots and lots of lectures about eating and resting). I think his fears about being a dad have now morphed into total excitement...He told me the other day that he "just can't wait" for Eggmund to get here. We got him a front carrier to sling Egg-baby around in - there was a lot of trying-on, strap adjustments, color consideration, etc. that went into this purchase. It's hanging in our downstairs closet all ready for the big debut. That Nicholas is going to be one amazing daddy...
*****
I miss working out. Isn't that sick? I'm really sad that I can't bust a gut in the gym anymore (I'm on probation from gym rat status via Nick and Celia's conjoined bossiness). I hope that I'm able to kick my butt back into gear quickly after Eggmund arrives...
*****
One of my 1st grade students at work (who is 3" tall and weighs 78lbs) snuck out of his bedroom at 3am and ate an entire sheet cake him and his parents had baked the night before for his mom's birthday. His dad grounded him from snacks for the rest of the day (a BIG DEAL in this kiddo's life), and gave him quite the stern talking-to, so this student came in very dejected and remorseful. He also felt the need to confess his sin to everyone he saw - including, but not limited to, the front office secretary, the occupational therapist, random parents walking around the halls, and the school janitor. When he told Mr. Jim the janitor that he had "eated mama's cake" Mr. Jim asked him if it was at least good. My student got big tears in his eyes and looked up and said, "Yeah, Mister Jim, it was weal good."
****
My dog loves all the new baby toys. Nick and I love teasing her with all the baby toys by burying her in them and then making her "LEAVE IT!" It's a fun game, enjoyed by all.
******
Look, a balloon artist made me a pregnant dog! See its little balloon embryo in there? Sadly after a few days the middle shrunk down and it looked like some horrible ectopic balloon pregnancy.
*****
My mom threw me a baby shower and it was grand. We got spoiled, no two ways about it. I think we are ready for this little Eggmund to make his Eggtastic debut...
*****
My swollen ankles have taken on a life of their own. Just to boost the attractability levels, only righty really swells up, so I'm left with one elephant leg and one normal leg. Chew on that visual, why don't ya.
*****
I need to stop buying baby clothes. I swear the addiction is getting worse the closer we get.
******
I really love my hubby. He's taken such good care of me this pregnancy (which, in his mind, means giving me lots and lots and lots of lectures about eating and resting). I think his fears about being a dad have now morphed into total excitement...He told me the other day that he "just can't wait" for Eggmund to get here. We got him a front carrier to sling Egg-baby around in - there was a lot of trying-on, strap adjustments, color consideration, etc. that went into this purchase. It's hanging in our downstairs closet all ready for the big debut. That Nicholas is going to be one amazing daddy...
 |
| I hope Eggmund can look this studly in his new hat. |
I miss working out. Isn't that sick? I'm really sad that I can't bust a gut in the gym anymore (I'm on probation from gym rat status via Nick and Celia's conjoined bossiness). I hope that I'm able to kick my butt back into gear quickly after Eggmund arrives...
*****
One of my 1st grade students at work (who is 3" tall and weighs 78lbs) snuck out of his bedroom at 3am and ate an entire sheet cake him and his parents had baked the night before for his mom's birthday. His dad grounded him from snacks for the rest of the day (a BIG DEAL in this kiddo's life), and gave him quite the stern talking-to, so this student came in very dejected and remorseful. He also felt the need to confess his sin to everyone he saw - including, but not limited to, the front office secretary, the occupational therapist, random parents walking around the halls, and the school janitor. When he told Mr. Jim the janitor that he had "eated mama's cake" Mr. Jim asked him if it was at least good. My student got big tears in his eyes and looked up and said, "Yeah, Mister Jim, it was weal good."
****
My dog loves all the new baby toys. Nick and I love teasing her with all the baby toys by burying her in them and then making her "LEAVE IT!" It's a fun game, enjoyed by all.
 |
| Yes, that is the cat in the moses basket in the corner of the background. |
 |
| If I can't eat them, maybe I'll just smell them. |
 |
| Poor, poor Sheeba. |
******
Look, a balloon artist made me a pregnant dog! See its little balloon embryo in there? Sadly after a few days the middle shrunk down and it looked like some horrible ectopic balloon pregnancy.
*****
I think Nick is nesting. (Guys can nest too, right?) He went on a bender today and decided he needed to steam clean all the carpets, including the stairs. Hey, whatever makes the boy feel prepared for fatherhood, right?!
Saturday, November 19, 2011
36 Weeks
How far along? 36 weeks!
-How big is baby? 6 pounds and 18.5 inches long (that there's a whole lotta baybee!)
-Weight gain? Barking down the 30lbs tree at this point. Le sigh.
-Maternity clothes? I'm happy now if maternity clothes fit. Nick's side of the closet is getting more and more of my attention lately...
-Stretchies? Shhhhh, I've come so far...Let's not piss of the Gods of Stretch Marks by saying anything...
-Sleep? If tired counts, then yes, all the time. Actual, good ol' fashioned, restful sleep is a distant memory, though :(
-Movement? Still a crazy man in there. Now I can see little feet and hands bashing through my poor sides. Last night Nick and Eggmund got into a little battle...Nick would poke my belly and Eggmund would go NUTS rolling around in response. It was serious alien-esque sort of stomach rolling. Also, hiccups. Lots, and lots, and lots, and lots of hiccups...
-Food cravings? Wendy's Chocolate Frosty's. (Makes me think of my mom..."Wanna go 'shopping'?"
-Gender? Hopefully he's still got a set!
-Belly button in or out? The belly button is either flat or out, depending on Eggmund's placement. Nick was trying to poke it back in for me last night, but it never stayed shallow more than 30 seconds or so. Guess the turkey's done!
-What I miss? Having energy. Putting on my shoes without seeing stars. Working out. Being able to see my jayjay. Having identifiable ankles. Cold cut sammies.
- Milestones? We are full term! Such a huge sigh of relief to know that no matter when Eggmund shows up from here on out he should be a-okay to go!
-How big is baby? 6 pounds and 18.5 inches long (that there's a whole lotta baybee!)
-Weight gain? Barking down the 30lbs tree at this point. Le sigh.
-Maternity clothes? I'm happy now if maternity clothes fit. Nick's side of the closet is getting more and more of my attention lately...
-Stretchies? Shhhhh, I've come so far...Let's not piss of the Gods of Stretch Marks by saying anything...
-Sleep? If tired counts, then yes, all the time. Actual, good ol' fashioned, restful sleep is a distant memory, though :(
-Movement? Still a crazy man in there. Now I can see little feet and hands bashing through my poor sides. Last night Nick and Eggmund got into a little battle...Nick would poke my belly and Eggmund would go NUTS rolling around in response. It was serious alien-esque sort of stomach rolling. Also, hiccups. Lots, and lots, and lots, and lots of hiccups...
-Food cravings? Wendy's Chocolate Frosty's. (Makes me think of my mom..."Wanna go 'shopping'?"
-Gender? Hopefully he's still got a set!
-Belly button in or out? The belly button is either flat or out, depending on Eggmund's placement. Nick was trying to poke it back in for me last night, but it never stayed shallow more than 30 seconds or so. Guess the turkey's done!
-What I miss? Having energy. Putting on my shoes without seeing stars. Working out. Being able to see my jayjay. Having identifiable ankles. Cold cut sammies.
- Milestones? We are full term! Such a huge sigh of relief to know that no matter when Eggmund shows up from here on out he should be a-okay to go!
Monday, November 7, 2011
Hospital Tour
We went and toured the birthing unit at PVH (Poudre Valley Hospital) where little Eggmund will be making his debut in 5(!!!) short weeks. Here's the mini-recap:
The Good
1. Really liked the birthing suites - they're spacious, comfortable, and have all the necessary equipment for mom, baby, and coaches right there in the room.
2. PVH has a lot of policies that support things that Nick and I like: keeping baby with mom at all times (barring medical issues or a specific request from mom for a 'nursery break'); support and education for post-partum lactation consultation, car seat checks, etc; all testing, paperwork, and general baby handling is able to be done bedside to minimize seperation between baby and family; access to things like intermittent monitoring and non-medicinal labor supports (such as jacuzzi tub, birthing balls, heating pads, etc.) to encourage a variety of pushing/labor styles and positions.
3. On the birthing unit there's a 1:1 ratio of patient to nurse, so you have your own private nurse with you throughout the process. When you move to the post-natal care unit the ratio only rises to 2:1, which means you (and baby!) continue to have a high level of monitoring and support.
4. Everything is kept to one floor - labor/delivery rooms, recovery rooms, nursery, NICU, operating suites, etc.
The Bad
1. Had a brief tour of the NICU, which gave Nick and I a mean case of the sorries. I'm thankful that PVH has a truly top notch NICU available, because if (god forbid) we were to need it, we obviously would want the best care possible for Eggmund. But watching a young couple scrub up to go in and visit their child just broke my heart...
The Ugly
1. As we went downstairs to complete some pre-registration paperwork, we stumbled across a PVH patient yammering away on her cell phone in the middle of the waiting room. This lady was (approximately) 4'11", (approximately) 280lbs, and (approximately) wearing a scrap of fraying fabric that may in some circles be considered a 'nightie'. One thing that wasn't "approximated" was her distinct lack of panties and/or bra-like undergarments. As well as a distinct lack of "lady-like sitting style". Poor Nicholas - it was like some horrific train wreck that neither of us could peel our eyes away from. Wow-ee. Definitely gave Nick and I a good giggle...We'll be laughing about the patient and her underwears situation (or, more specifically, lack thereof) for some time to come! Hopefully my lady bits don't look like THAT by the end of this little experience...(makes it a little less funny when you think about it like that.)
The Good
1. Really liked the birthing suites - they're spacious, comfortable, and have all the necessary equipment for mom, baby, and coaches right there in the room.
2. PVH has a lot of policies that support things that Nick and I like: keeping baby with mom at all times (barring medical issues or a specific request from mom for a 'nursery break'); support and education for post-partum lactation consultation, car seat checks, etc; all testing, paperwork, and general baby handling is able to be done bedside to minimize seperation between baby and family; access to things like intermittent monitoring and non-medicinal labor supports (such as jacuzzi tub, birthing balls, heating pads, etc.) to encourage a variety of pushing/labor styles and positions.
3. On the birthing unit there's a 1:1 ratio of patient to nurse, so you have your own private nurse with you throughout the process. When you move to the post-natal care unit the ratio only rises to 2:1, which means you (and baby!) continue to have a high level of monitoring and support.
4. Everything is kept to one floor - labor/delivery rooms, recovery rooms, nursery, NICU, operating suites, etc.
The Bad
1. Had a brief tour of the NICU, which gave Nick and I a mean case of the sorries. I'm thankful that PVH has a truly top notch NICU available, because if (god forbid) we were to need it, we obviously would want the best care possible for Eggmund. But watching a young couple scrub up to go in and visit their child just broke my heart...
The Ugly
1. As we went downstairs to complete some pre-registration paperwork, we stumbled across a PVH patient yammering away on her cell phone in the middle of the waiting room. This lady was (approximately) 4'11", (approximately) 280lbs, and (approximately) wearing a scrap of fraying fabric that may in some circles be considered a 'nightie'. One thing that wasn't "approximated" was her distinct lack of panties and/or bra-like undergarments. As well as a distinct lack of "lady-like sitting style". Poor Nicholas - it was like some horrific train wreck that neither of us could peel our eyes away from. Wow-ee. Definitely gave Nick and I a good giggle...We'll be laughing about the patient and her underwears situation (or, more specifically, lack thereof) for some time to come! Hopefully my lady bits don't look like THAT by the end of this little experience...(makes it a little less funny when you think about it like that.)
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Birth Class
So last weekend we attended our birthing class, which ended up being pretty darn good. We took the "fast track", so it was only Saturday and Sunday, for about 4 hours each day. They covered a lot of great information, and gave Nick and I a ton of things to talk about in deciding what we want and hope for with our son's delivery. Here's some of the highlights of what we came up with:
- I'm going to try (TRY) going au natural for labor. With the additional issues around my pump and catheters, an epidural unquestionably carries some extra risks for us, so if there's a way to avoid it, that's what we're hoping to do. (And by "we" I mean "I" - Nick is totally supportive of whatever I decide. And if he wasn't, I'd rip his sweet little face off because MY BODY MY CHOICE A-HOLE. Sorry, that's the pregnancy hormones talking...) I've been doing a lot of reading about natural birth (thanks to my wonderful sis-in-law who sent me a great book about natural labor/delivery - she's birthed FOUR babies the good ol' fashioned med-free way, so she's been a wonderful connection to talk to) and am just generally trying to build my confidence around my body's ability to do this. My biggest fear is issues with my back and back labor arising, as this could create a totally different situation, but we'll just plan on taking those things as they come...
- Nick wants to catch Eggmund. We've gone from him wanting to see nothing, have the baby cleaned off before touching him, and (at most) cutting to cord, to catcher's mitt territory! (Though for the record I did tell him that if I saw him anywhere near my jayjay during the birth holding a baseball mitt of any type he would be kindly asked to leave the room. If you'll remember his birth plan list, I honestly wouldn't put it past him...) The midwives we're using are great about this kind of "Daddy involvement", and explained to us at our appointment on Wednesday that they would help Nick guide baby's head/shoulders out, and then let him deliver the body on his own and place Eggmund on my chest. It gives me goosebumps to think that Nick will be the very first person to ever touch our son, and will be the one to place him onto my chest. After getting to have the experience myself of growing Eggy these past nine months and getting to feel him move and kick and grow, I think it will be such a special experience for Nick to have to be the one to bring Eggmund into the world (though he may not be able to actually see what he's doing with the flood of tears that is sure to be occuring).
- We've added a few things to our birth plan, including:
1. Laboring in my own clothes (sounds SO much more comfortable than wearing one of those god awful, arse-flashing gowns with the huge slits cut into the boobie section.)
2. Using self-directed pushing (versus the old school, chin to chest and bear down for 10 when the doctor tells you to, self-directed pushing allows me to push when I feel the urge, for however long my body naturally tells me to push for. Obviously if you start to be ineffectual the doc steps in to guide you, but I like the idea of letting my body tell me what to do...)
3. Skipping the eye ointment and hep. B shot for Eggmund post-birth (fairly confident that Nick and I are both hep. B free...Our needle using drug days are long behind us now.)
4. Allowing for natural tearing (no episiotomy.) I know, don't you just naturally do a keigel reading that?!
5. Being allowed to explore different positions for labor as well as pushing/birth.
6. Waiting until the cord stops beating before cutting. (Allows for additional red blood cells for Eggmund, which recent studies have shown can decrease the risk for jaundice. Not completely proven, but there's no harm in waiting the extra 60-90 seconds it takes for the pulsing to stop.)
- We also got some nice ideas around relaxation, massage, and partner support during the birth class, and I think Nick feels a lot more confident in his role as a support person. I know he'll be great during labor (and if he's not, Celia's there to slap him into shape anyway). Plus he's already told me that if he needs to rub my back for 24 hours straight that's what he'll do, and I'll be damn sure to hold him to that.
Next up is our tour of the birthing unit at the hospital this weekend to see where I'm going to be pushing this little man out. The weekend after that is the baby shower my mom's putting on, and once we hit the weekend after THAT I've only got 4 weeks left! Holy moly...
I'm off to go put up my
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Baby Shower
Had my first baby shower at school last week put on by my amazing para's/bitches! They did an incredble job, and despite the fact that being the center of attention in that capacity is a little slice of hell for me (cue awkward comments and jokes from Niel because she doesn't know what else to do/say! Soft shoe routine! Give 'em the jazz hands! Big finish! Big finish!), it really was a nice time. We got SO much of what we needed - I can't say enough about the generosity of the staff I work with. We got (drumroll please...):
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| Thank you Jesus, because this bad boy was NOT in the Smosna budget! |
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| I love Willow Tree statues, and this looks beautiful in the baby room right next to a framed picture of Eggmund back in his Eggy days! |
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| Space saver high chair - Lourve it. |
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| Tons of great (handmade!) baby blankets |
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| Happy Baby Toys :) |
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| Combo swing/bouncer seat (Our swing didn't come with the baby, though.) |
Again, could I work with more wonderful ladies who spoil me (and my Eggmund!) completely rotten?!? I am too lucky....
My mama also got us our OWL QUILT!!! Yup, it looks adorable in the baby room. Honestly, how could you possibly go wrong with owls, anyway?
Nick was super excited about all the new 'gear', and decided that every single piece needed to be put together IMMEDIATELY. I must say, it was cute watching him put everything together. Still sinking in that in less than two months we'll be putting a little Eggmund into all of these new items...
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| Anderson Cooper, the top choice newscast for Fathers Putting Together Baby Things. |
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| Just needs an Eggmund! |
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| Nick, looking disturbingly puzzled by the baby swing. |
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| I need to remind him not to do this when Eggmund's in it... |
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| Next up, highchair. |
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| Hooray for baby travelin' systems! |
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| Proud Daddy :) |
Monday, October 31, 2011
Halloween Part Duex
Have I mentioned lately how much I love my ILS girls? Cause I do. Only true friends plan their Halloween costumes around your knocked-up-ness. Happy Halloween...
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| Ol' Bob |
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| The ILS Bitches - Making Pumpkin Smuggling Look Good since 1987 |
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Happy Halloween!
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| Our pumpkin family! (Eggmund pumpkin included, of course.) |
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| I made sure to get a pumpkin that was more rotund than me. |
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| This is what the cat gets for barging in on pumpkin carving. Pumpkin guts. |
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| Yup, I made Nick carve Eggmund's pumpkin too! Don't want the little guy to feel left out... |
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| Nick, hard at work on his masterpiece. We take pumpkin carving seriously in this family. Nothing is above being competitive over. Nothing. |
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| Kitty, clearly not having learned from the pumpkin guts being stuck to him, now wants to get involved with carving stage. |
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| Nothing says "Halloween" like a Kitty Kat tail in your face while you're carving. |
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| Pumpking carving while 8 months pregnant = challenging. |
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| Eggmund with his pumpkin! |
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| Daddy invoking some fine motor skills to carve Eggmund's punkin'. |
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| Sheeba's favorite part of Halloween - pumpkin food. |
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| Must. Eat. Raw. Pumpkiny. Goodness. |
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| Nom nom nom... |
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| Eggy's pumpkin |
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| Mommy's Bat Pumpkin (clearly winning for Best Pumpkin of '11) |
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| Daddy's Ghost Pumpkin (it's alright....I guess.) |
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| Our pumpkin family!! |
Happy Halloween!!!
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