Do ya Doula?

When Nick and I first started to talk about making us a little Smoz, we also discussed what kind of birth we wanted to have. Being my natural control freak self, I dove into books to read as much as I could about different labor/birth processes, beliefs, and plans. We (or I, with my husband dutifully agreeing to "whatever") came up with a few things I was pretty darn sure about:

1. I want my birth to be natural. Now don't get excited, this doesn't mean natural as in 'no drugs' (are you effin' crazy?!), but what I do mean is that I believe birth is a normal process that I don't think needs quite as many interventions as are currently commonly done. I don't want pitocin/episotomy/c-section/etc. unless it's really and truly the best thing for the baby or mama - not because it's going to make the doctor's life a little easier so he can make his 10:00 tee time. I think my body will know what it needs to do, and I want to respect that process as much as possible...

2. Due to this outlook, we want to look at the possibility of having a midwife delivering our baby. We're not talking midwife in the sense of "dreadlocked hippy woman with unshaved armpits who will deliver the baby in the middle of our living room in a plastic kiddie pool". We've researched hospital-privledged midwives, who have a midwifery license but work out of the hospital. They are supported by an OB while you are in labor, which means if something did happen to require additional support, we still have an attending physician there to handle it. To me this is like the best of both worlds - support from a midwife, whose belief's are hopefully attuned to ours in that women's bodies usually know what's best, but with back-up from an OB in case (god forbid) we did have some type of emergency arise. All this said, with my medical history I'm not sure a midwife would take us on (they often won't accept high risk pregnancy, which we will be considered), but I want to at least try.

3. Because I am pretty sure I'm going to get shot-down with the whole midwife thing (thanks pain pump, why don't you just ruin EVERYTHING?!? Sheesh.) I started looking into other avenues of support for the kind of birth I think is right for us. In my reading I came across the idea of a "Doula", or a woman who supports a mother through pregnancy, labor, and post-natal child care. Doula's are trained to be a support person not just to mom, but also to dad, and I love this idea. I know Nick is going to be one stressed out SOB when the big day comes, and I would love to have someone there to keep us both calm, help us make informed decisions, and support our beliefs for labor and delivery.

I broached this all with Nick and he was more than supportive of anything that I thought would help me. I started looking around for Doula's in our area, but still had a nagging feeling that hiring basically a stranger to help us through this process wouldn't be what I was truly looking for.

Ironically, I got the chance to hire a new para in my classroom this year (stay with me, I promise this all ties together...) Celia is a beautiful, wonderful, supportive, and talented woman, who approached me about working in my room when the position opened. I was more than excited to have her as part of my team (especially because I would get to listen to her badass Scottish accent every day), and she proved to be a complete natural at working with our students. She brought a host of special attributes into our room - many of which I didn't even realize we needed until I saw how much more complete and successful we were with her as part of our group.

Before Celia moved to the States, she worked in Britain as a midwife (ah, now you see where this is going...) As Nick and I thought more about how we wanted our baby to be welcomed into the world, I got more time to see Celia working in the caretaking role that is our job. The more I saw her calm, patient, and strong demeanor in high stress situations, the more I recognized that was EXACTLY what I was looking for in my own delivery. I talked with Nick about the idea of having Celia support us as a Doula through birth, and Nick thought it was a great idea. We trust her, we know her, and we love her - plus she's got tons of great experience not just as a Doula, but as an actual midwife catching some baybies!

This morning I invited Celia out to coffee, and after much awkward lead-up on my part (god I'm smooth), I asked her if she would support Nick and I through the birth of our first child. Being the wonderful woman she is, Celia agreed (and then got all nasty-like when I tried to tell her we wanted to pay her. Geez.) I am so incredibly excited that someone Nick and I so completely love and trust will be there to help us through such an important process. We are blessed...

6 Week Belly Pic and MEH BEWBS!

Hit the 1/2 way through the first trimester point this week. I realized while doing some calculations this weekend that we will be in our 12th week (and officially out of the big danger zone) on my birthday! Can't ask for a better present than that...

In other news, my boobs hurt. Wowee. There is nothing more unpleasant than some good ol' fashioned bewb pain. I'm waiting for the benefit of bigger bewbies, but so far I just have hurtin' bewbies. In other exciting pregnancy news, I'm oh-so-tired. I took three naps yesterday and still was asleep for the night at 10:30. I swear this baby is slowly driving me into a coma. No morning sickness so far - I am thankful to not be hugging my friendly neighboorhood potty, but there's a little part of me that is scared that not having morning sickness is a bad sign. God knows I'm having plenty of other symptoms (as poor Nick can attest to after sitting bewildered in the bathroom this weekend while I cried and cried saying, "I don't KNOW why I'm crying, I'm just UPSET!!!!") so I'm sure all is well (and I'm sure when I start barfing my guts out a week from now I'll read back on this and kick my April 18th self's ass.)

My dear husband has been such an amazing support the last few weeks. He has put up with my feral mood swings, cleaned the entire house every weekend (so Eggy isn't exposed to cleaning chemicals, in his words), went with me to Babies-R-Us to fawn over the vomit-inducing cuteness of mass baby clothing (his idea to go too - how impressive is that!?!), and even let me buy a new camera for picture takin' ("let me"...well, let's try "accompanied me to buy a new camera". That sounds a little closer to the Nick/Niel relationship I know!). He is a kind, good man, and is so excited for this baby. It's amazing how instantly pregnancy brings a couple together - I love him so much more watching what great care he is already taking of his baby and baby mama. :)

So now for the big moment - my first belly pic(s)!

 Not really all that much to see, but I suppose that's where they all have to start, right? It's amazing to think of all that's going on in there lately - brain and spine development last week, eyes, ears, arm/leg buds, umbilical cord development, and heartbeat this week, and baby (aka Eggy) has now reached the size of a lentil bean (I love you my little lentil. Yes I do.)  Crazy to think of all that happens in this first trimester - literally it goes from a blob of cells to a wee person in there in three months flat. Truly a miracle that you appreciate so much more when it's happening in your own body. Amazing...

Baby Fever

I told my wonderful para's today that I was knocked up - they all cried (as expected). Those ladies have helped me get through some of the hardest parts of this road to conception, they are all truly incredible friends. With five extra mothers in my life I will surely be in want of nothing (including lectures as needed and cute baby clothing.)

I'm a little nervous about how I'm going to handle work with this pregnancy. I can't lift children, help with behavioral restraints, and my ever growing sensitivity to smell is NOT a helpful feature in my classroom. (Ewwwwww...) At least I have most of the summer to get through my 1st trimester ickiness.

Spoke to the doctor this morning - they are really happy with my HcG results, and actually put me at 5 weeks pregnant (Nick immediately wanted to know WHO THE HELL I had gotten pregnant with in that case, since we only did it FOUR weeks ago. I patiently explained the math of calculating pregnancy, and he simmered down. Men. Sheesh.) That means we get to go and catch a little ultrasound in a few weeks, and take a peak at Eggy's development!

Let's try this ol' quiz on for size:

How far along? 5 weeks (hooray for the free bonus week! I'll take it!)

Weight Gain: Don't think I've gained anything, but I'm too weiney to jump on the scale and find out :)

Maternity Clothes: Went and bought some this weekend, and might need to break out a pair for work tomorrow. Low rise jeans and inflated uterus don't mix.

Stretch Marks: Yes, but that's more from my Freshman 15lbs days. I'm going to be lotioning my gut up like a mad woman to try to prevent as much striping as possible. Boo.

Sleep: Sucks. I'm shocked at how fast my sleep was disturbed by being pregnant. I'm up every couple of hours, but feel exhausted during the day. I started taking the Progesterone orally at night and that seems to be helping (knocking on wood...) This is a woman who needs her sleep.

Gender: Who the heavens knows?! We do refer to Eggy as a 'he', but that's just because Nick is so bent on having a boy.

Food Cravings: Nothing much - but those pizza sticks at lunch were damned delicious. I may or may not have eaten three. (Can't imagine why I'm not dying to get on the scale...)

Belly Button: Right where it should be.

What I miss the most: Sleeping through the night and having energy.

What I'm looking forward to: Seeing Eggy and hearing the heartbeat on our 7 week ultrasound!!!!!!

Start Spreadin' the News

We've started telling people the "Big News" the last few days. So far we're keeping it to just close family/friends, until we make it safely through the first trimester (though my natural inclination is to tell everyone I have met in the last fifteen years, the cashier at WalMart, the random person I passed walking the dog today, and possibly the postman. But I digress...)

Telling my parents was so fun...We developed pictures from our trip to DC last month, and took one final picture to add to the pile of Nick and I holding a sign that said "We're Pregnant!" Both my parents started crying (with my mom screaming "Really?!? Really?!?!" No mom, this is all a joke in horrible taste.) I know my parents have wanted this so much for Nick and I, and it was incredible for us to be able to share this with them. They brought over a onsie they bought a while ago, in hopes that we would have pregnancy news to share with them at some point, and it has my very favorite on it: A KOALA!!! Now that is a perfect first baby's outfit...

Aside from them, Nick has told his brother, best friend, and I'm telling a few close friends in the next few days. Again, want to be careful to not spill the beans too early, but there have been so many supportive people on our journey to conception that have a right to share our joy.

Another big moment today - bought a BeBand and a couple of maternity pants. Right now the ol' ute is aching, and I read online that the BeBand can offer some pressure to relieve the soreness. The maternity pants were cute (and on sale!) and god knows I'm a girl that loves her bargains. The button on my super cute low rise pants turns out to be super not condusive to first trimester bloat, so instead of looking like the fat kid at the dinner table with her top button undone, I figured some preggo pants were a wise purchase. I must say, belly bands on pants = pure, unadultrated heaven. Why, oh why, have I not slipped into a pair of these lovelies sooner? I tried to convince Nick that he could benefit from a pair, but I think I only offended him. Oh well, that boy don't know what he's missing.

Got my labs back from our morning's blood draw...HcG is up to 270! (No wonder I feel crappy!) So far I've just been really tired, had a bit of a headache, and got an achy jayjay (well, achy uterus to be more specific). Felt a little sick to my stomach this morning, and the only thing that sounded good was biscuits and gravy from Village Inn. (Gross, I know.) My husband was beside himself with breakfast excitement...Poor man never gets to fulfill his breakfasty cravings!

Next week might try to knock out one of those new fangled pregnancy quizzes...

Take it from the top...

My lovely husband Nick and I have been trying to conceive for almost a year. After all this time and no luck, we decided to take the step of seeing an infertility doctor. One ultrasound (and $500 bucks) later, we were told that I have Polycystic Ovarian Disease (PCOD). Awesome.

I've always grown up in fear of not being able to have a child - I have always, ALWAYS wanted to be a mother. Having that fear of infertility realized was awful. We went home, I went straight upstairs, and proceeded to sleep for two hours. (I go comatose in response to bad news. It's a handy little 'self-protective' reaction of mine.) I called my mom later that night and bawled to her. So incredibly unfair. So incredibly heartbreaking. So incredibly hurtful.

So, once I pulled myself together, we started rounds of Clomid (aka - Satan's drug), with more rounds of transvaginal ultrasound (aka - mega bucks). (Oh, and insert a big middle finger here to the insurance companies, who won't cover a penny of infertility treatments.) Every month we would do the Clomid, go in for the ultrasound, annnnnnddddd....*cricket*cricket*.  I swear my husband has probably ovulated more than I have in the past two years.

So our last round of Clomid we went to the highest dose they will Rx (hooray for side effect HELL!) A few weeks later we went in for our ultrasound and there it was...EGGY! (Yes, we named the egg. And yes, we named it Eggy.) We were given our "do it" orders and sent on our merry way to procreate. If I hadn't had a period in 2 1/2 weeks, do a home pregnancy test.

Fast forward 2 1/2 weeks. No period. I was so antsy the entire two weeks to take the damn test, and then when it came down to actually having to pee on the stick I was terrified. I didn't want to know. I didn't want to be disappointed. I peed anyway, and two minutes later got a big "NOT PREGNANT". Ugh. Gut shot. I tossed it into the trash, brushed off my husband's hugs and consoling words, and got into the shower and sat down and sobbed. I felt like such a failure. So guilty. My husband wants a child SO BADLY, and we can't have one because of me. This infertility business is one ugly walk to have to take, and it feels like it decimates your identity as a woman.

Went to the doctor that night to try to figure out what the hell was going on. Ultrasound didn't show much, so they took some labs to check my hormone levels. Next afternoon I get a call from the doctor with my results. Hormone levels look great, progesterone and estrogen are fine, and oh, you're pregnant. I instantly started crying (and then furiously apologizing for crying), and shaking. I. Am. Knocked. Up.

Later that night I wrote Nick a card thanking him for what an amazing supportive partner he's been these past months. The last line was 'I can't wait to see you holding our baby someday...' and then on the back it said 'and if my calculations are correct, that day should be in approximately mid-December'. I gave it to him that evening, and he read through it quickly and threw me a "Thanks babe, love you too". I glared at him and suggested, "Why don't you read it a little closer?" After a few more read-throughs, his eyes got big and he started giggling. (And crying, though I'm sure he doesn't want me to add that part...) He is going to be a truly amazing father...

So here we are...A mere three weeks out (give or take). We're having my HcG levels checked every 48 hours to make sure Eggy is still progressing nicely (yes, I'm aware that it should be Zygoty now, but Eggy just has a better ring. Plus we'd have to keep changing it to things like "Embry" or "Fetusy". Definitely not as cute and leaves room for confusion, no?) So far all looks good...

Next step: Operation Surprise the New Grandparents...