As my lovely doula Celia warned me, around this point in pregnancy you can start having some really fluctuating emotions about the huge life change that is impending. As usual, she was right (that bitch), and I've been experiencing some vacillations that range from beautiful mommy moments to other special moments I like to call the "What the *&^% have we done" feelings. Let us explore further...
Beautiful Mommy Moment:
Imagining the moment in three short months when our son is born and placed on my chest for us to meet him for the first time. I can already picture Nick bawling, me bawling, my mom bawling (and of course Eggy bawling...). What a beautiful first mommy moment!
vs.
What the *&^% Have We Done:
Imagining how in three short months my poor vaginal regions are going to be ripped in half by a seven to ten pound human creature. Oh. My. Gawd. What the *&^% have we done?
Beautiful Mommy Moment:
Watching my body change as my belly grows to accommodate our baby. I love rubbing my belly and feeling Eggy move around in there to let me know he's happy in his little uterine hidey-hole. Realizing your body can produce a perfect little baby is such a unique, beautiful mommy moment to experience.
vs.
What the *&^% Have We Done:
I'm trying to get my mind right for how my body is going to look in the first few weeks/months post-partum, but I just don't know that I'm ready for that mentally. I've been warned that just because I have a, let's say, seven pound baby, I won't jump on the scale immediately afterwards and be seven pounds lighter and more toned. But I HAVE to be, right? I mean, I just popped out seven pounds, which automatically should count in my favor, rriiiiiiggggghhhhhttttt? Because my stomach isn't just going to look like an unrisen loaf of sourdough, RIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGHHHHHHTTTTT?!?!?!?! What the *&^% have we done?
Beautiful Mommy Moment:
You always hear that you simply can't imagine life without your baby once you've had him, and I can't wait to experience that intense love and connection with a little Nick-Niel combo offspring. It's amazing to think that this December we'll get to meet the child that will impact, change, and shape our lives forever more.
vs.
What the *&^% Have We Done:
Um, I'm selfish. And I like things such as (but not limited to): sleeping, doing things when I feel like doing them, taking naps when I want to, and having free time. I somehow have this nagging feeling, though, that my preshus Eggy baby is not going to be too interested in mommy's agenda. So, yeah. What the *&^% have we done?
Beautiful Mommy Moment:
I can't wait to bring Eggy home for the first time, introduce him to his bedroom, his Kitty Kat, his Sheeba dog, and let him see everything we've been doing to get ready for his arrival. Those first moments at home as a family of three will be incredible - just to know that Nick and I have come together to make this special little man. What a beautiful mommy (and family) moment!
vs.
What the *&^% Have We Done:
Wait, you're giving me this kid to take home? And you're not, like, sending someone with us to make sure we don't kill it? Seriously? First shouldn't we have to take a test, have an interview, talk with a shrink, SOMETHING? And you expect us to keep it alive, as well as make sure it doesn't turn into a serial killer?! Well good lord. What the *&^% have we done?
Yes, but the "beautiful mummy moments" far outweigh the "what the &^%have we done" ones. Your nether regions will heal, your stomach won't look like unrisen sourdough forever, and you have already passed the test. As for a serial killer, as someone dear to our hearts says, "Are you serious?" If he is anything like you, beautiful wee Eggy might keep you on your toes (no less than you deserve, of course), but it isn't in his genes. One thing you are right about though, his agenda isn't going to match yours and guess what? You won't care. You will be sucked right in there just like the rest of us were with our kids. You will both go drooling and smiling into his world totally unaware that Eggy is the one calling the shots. At least in the beginning, anyway. Of course, you will believe that you are in charge, but he already knows he has you wrapped round his little finger. Just keep in the forefront of your mind that incredible feeling you will experience when you two become three and those first moments when you bring him home. That will get you through the next three months... and his teenage years. Welcome to parenthood, my dear friend. You are going to be great! :) xx
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