One Year

(Disclaimer: Due to pregnancy induced laziness, it's actually one year and a few days at this point, but let us not split hairs. Continue on.)

This is Nick. Also known around these parts as "Buttface".

Here is the story about how Nicholas managed to bag a perfect catch such as myself. Enjoy.

Nick and I met during one of the darkest times in his life. His identical twin brother, Jason, had just passed away months before, and Nick was trying to find his way out of the maze of loss and heartache. At the same time I was struggling with trying to care for my brother, and in many ways feeling a sense a similiar sense of heartache for the fact that he was so hurt and lost inside himself. On the advice of a grief counsler, Nick joined Eharmony to try to force himself out of the house and back into the world. On the advice of my dad (and if you know my dad you know that "advice" actually implies "semi-legal coercive pressure methods"), I joined Eharmony as well to try to find balance in my focus on my brother's needs.

When you join Eharmony, you fill out a huge amount of material about yourself - your interests, what you look for in a partner, your body type/look, the name of your first pet, etc. After you complete everything, it gives you an example of a person that they would set you up with, to give you a sense of whether or not you'd like to join (let's just be honest with each other, they bait you with a McHottie and then take your money). The match that came up for me was one Nicholas S. (and yes, I did think he was a McHottie thankyouverymuch), and on his profile I saw that he was a special education teacher. I was interested by that (and of course his dashingly handsome picture), so I joined the site just so I could learn more about him.

We started messaging each other shortly after this, and quickly realized that we had quite a bit in common (Eharmony is real smart like that.) A few weeks later we had our first date - dinner followed by beers to watch the Rockies game at a bar. The date had gone great until the very end. As we stood in the parking lot saying goodnight (*cue romantic music here*) and I was expecting that ever-so-passionate first kiss, Nick leaned over and gave me...wait for it.....a "friendship hug". Like those ones where you grab someone sideways around the shoulders and kind of awkwardly pat them on their back? Yeah. It was one of those. I know. I'm cringing too.

When Nick called again a few days later for another date, I convinced myself that the HI (Hug Incident) was just in fluke, and maybe in fact he wasn't gay. (A possibility I was considering. Seriously, the hug was really was that bad. It lives on in infamy in our relationship.) On our drive home from our date to the museum, Nick started telling me about his summer, and what had happened with Jason. While telling me he started crying, and (typical Nicholas, as I would come to know) got extremely angry at himself for crying in front of me. The fact that he survived such profound loss so recently, yet continued to be the gentle, polite, funny, and caring man that I was getting to know, gave me a glimpse into the depths of his strength. I would come to rely on his strength and heart more than I could every imagine...

I look back over the past years that Nick and I have been together, and realize how much I ended up needing those qualities that I saw in him so early on. The summer I was sick - in the hospital more than out, using a cane and then a wheelchair, losing massive amounts of weight because I couldn't keep any food down, and finally making the step to get the pain pump surgery - I needed the strength, compassion, and resilience that I saw in Nick in those first few dates. And more recently - as we were trying to get pregnant and every month brought no period and no chance of success, the decision to go to a fertility doctor, my diagnosis with PCOD, the rounds of Clomid, weekly ultrasounds, failure, and disappointment - Nick was so incredibly steady, supportive, loving, and patient.

I look back and think of all my tears, all my heartache, and all my discouragement during that time of infertility, and realize that never once did Nick waver in front of me. He was always, always my rock through those months of treatments. He made me feel beautiful and cherished, even though I felt like I was letting him down in such a massive way. When I learned that I was pregnant I cried my eyes out, but so much of my joy was for Nick. His strength had gotten us here. His love had ensured we traveled the road unexpected to becoming a family.

Nick and I have already had amazing adventures in the time we've been together. We've been to Vegas, San Diego, Disneyland, Jamaica, hot air ballooning, Rockies games, and more. We've shot-gunned beer in my parents driveway to calm our nerves the first time I took him over to meet them (yeah, true story.) We've gone on countless walks with the dog, spent hours sitting together watching TV and petting the cat, and taken weekly trips to the grocery store because it's just more fun to shop together. I've learned to cook for him, and he's learned how to give good back rubs for me. Stuffed in among all these memories is our life together, and soon the life that we have created together will be our next great adventure. I can't wait.

Forever and ever Bug, I will love you more than yesterday, but never as much as I will tomorrow.